Perfectionism: When Doing It Right Gets in the Way of Doing It
Perfectionism: When Doing It Right Gets in the Way of Doing It
You know what needs to be done.
You may even know how to do it.
But somehow, starting feels harder than it should.
Maybe you tell yourself you need more time. You want to think about it properly. You’ll do it when you can give it your full attention.
Or perhaps you do start. Then you look at what you’ve done, change it, go back to it, and change it again.
It can look a lot like procrastination.
And sometimes it might be.
But sometimes there may be something else worth noticing.
What if doing it isn’t quite enough?
It has to be done right.
That little word can carry a lot.
Because what does right actually mean?
And perhaps more interestingly:
Why that standard?
Maybe it doesn’t happen with everything
There are probably things you just do.
You send the message. Make the decision. Finish the job. Move on.
It doesn’t need endless thought.
And then there may be other things that feel different.
You have enough information, but look for a little more.
Something is finished, but you’re not quite ready to let anyone see it.
You have an idea, but keep thinking about how to do it before actually beginning.
You wait until you have enough time to do something properly.
Maybe you recognise some of that.
Maybe you don’t.
Either way, the interesting part isn't any one of those things.
It’s whether there is a pattern.
When does getting it right seem to matter more?
What changes?
Perhaps it happens when somebody else will see what you've done.
Perhaps when something matters particularly deeply to you.
Maybe you can tolerate mistakes in one area of your life but find them much harder in another.
You might be able to send one email without thinking twice, while another sits in your drafts because the wording still doesn't feel quite right.
Why the difference?
There isn't one answer.
But the difference itself might be worth noticing.
Because sometimes we focus so much on what we're doing that we miss when the behaviour changes.
What does “right” mean to you?
If something has to be done right, what would that look like?
No mistakes?
Being pleased with it?
Someone else being pleased with it?
Knowing you couldn't have done any better?
Not giving anyone a reason to criticise it?
Perhaps your answer is none of those.
But whatever right means to you, there is another question underneath it:
Why does this particular standard matter here?
Not whether you should lower it.
Not whether it is reasonable.
Just — why this one?
And what if you didn't reach it?
This can be harder to answer.
What would actually be so difficult about something not being quite right?
Perhaps someone might criticise it.
Perhaps you might disappoint someone.
Perhaps you would feel you should have done better.
Or maybe the uncomfortable part isn't what anybody else would think.
Maybe it's what you would think.
And perhaps there is some fear in that.
Not necessarily.
But it is worth being curious about.
Because fear doesn't always feel dramatic.
Sometimes it sounds like:
I’ll do it later.
I need a bit more time.
Let me check it again.
I’m not ready yet.
None of those sentences automatically means you're afraid of something.
But if you find yourself saying them often, you might notice what tends to happen next.
Do you get on with the thing?
Or does it move a little further away?
Perhaps you've been here before
If getting something wrong feels particularly difficult, there might be another place to look.
Has something happened before that you don't want to experience again?
Or perhaps nothing has happened at all.
Maybe you're trying to make sure something you imagine could happen never gets the chance to.
You don't have to know.
And you don't have to turn every behaviour into something that needs explaining.
Sometimes noticing the pattern is enough to begin with.
You may notice where your standards change.
When “good” stops feeling good enough.
When getting something right begins to matter more than getting it done.
And what happens to you when you imagine getting it wrong.
Perhaps then the question becomes less:
Am I a perfectionist?
And a little more: